I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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