btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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