Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wish you could order shots online.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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