Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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