In the future we'll all be gay
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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