I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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