i just wanna soil my oats bro
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
