my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
