Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
