What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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