tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
