Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
