I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Can you bring me the toilet please
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
