i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
