Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
