Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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