he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
