I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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