Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
