It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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