her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
