12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
false alarm, still single
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
