She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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