Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Randomize
