I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This is the high leading the old right now
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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