i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
