is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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