I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
