probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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