I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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