Your dad touched me again.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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