I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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