I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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