One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
