The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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