Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
