My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
