She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
