i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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