She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
