Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
