So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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