I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
