i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
