i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
