There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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