Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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