i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
