she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
