Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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