yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
