Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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