I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
