I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
