Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
