Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
