After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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