yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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