Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Enjoy the penises
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
