It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
