I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
