she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
