Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
