It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
