He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
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