I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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