I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
