Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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