Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
