this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
