I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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