Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
even my farts smell like vagina
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
