if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
