i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
